5 Menu Items that McDonald's Should Bring Back BEFORE the McRib

I heard the news today, oh boy.
McDonald's is bringing back that pressed meat debacle they call the McRib (again). And the news is being met with...elation! The blogosphere is abuzz and McRibites everywhere are making plans to get all they can before the product goes back into the KrocVault on Nov 14.
But why the uproar every time Ronald and the gang pull this stunt? The sandwich is kind of a mess. Who wants to eat boneless meat that is molded to look like it still has bones? At that point it's savory marzipan. Why not extrude the psuedo-pork into the shapes of Mayor McCheese and Grimace?
One more thing: Pickles on BBQ? Where are you from? Oh yeah, Oak Brook, Illinois...the home of american barbecue.


So, if McDonald's is intent on working this "Limited Time Only" scheme...let's at least agree to revive some food worthy of a Lipitor prescription.


1) Arch Deluxe: A dozen years before Richard Blais or Bobby Flay tried to take the meager burger upscale, Mickey D's was there and the response from a ravenous public was a resounding ...who cares? This burger for grown-ups (Ronald was NOT used in the original ads) featured leaf lettuce (no iceburg? horrors), red onion, peppered bacon and a proprietary mayo/mustard hybrid sauce. For me though, the highlight was that the whole thing was served on a sesame seed (what is it with this company and sesame seeds?) POTATO roll.  I would eat two-day old Slim Jims off a potato roll. Turns out that most folks might have preferred the Slim Jim. It is rumored that McD's lost $300 million on the Arch....though it was not due to my lack of effort or enthusiasm.

2) Blueberry Shake: In the mid-seventies the US was awash in patriotic fever as we began the build-up to the big Bicentennial celebration. McDonald's (not wishing to bet their All-American bona fides on the existing milk or apple pie on their menu) decided that a new product was in order. They already had a white milkshake and a red (well, pink) one. You didn't need to be Darrin Stephens to realize what you were missing in the trifecta. Behold, the blueberry shake. I recall, it didn't taste much like blueberries, but rather like Boo Berry, the cereal sibling to Frankenberry and the Count. But when you're nine years old, if it turns your mouth blue, that's good enough.

3) Michael Dean Perry Burger: I know a lot of you don't remember "The Refrigerator's" little brother, but Cleveland Browns fans do. (We have all that extra room in our brains that would otherwise be taken up by remembering things like Browns' Super Bowl victories, Browns' Super Bowl statistics and ...well, you get the idea). Michael Dean Perry was a Browns All-Pro Defensive End and the namesake of the MDP Burger. It featured pretty much the same ingredients as the Big Mac, but it had three patties (instead of two) and came on a elongated sesame seed (there they are again) bun, like the McRib. If they brought this one back and you ordered it today, there is a fair chance that the real Michael Dean Perry just might actually be the guy who grills it up for you.

4) Big N' Tasty: Another "would-be" intent on stealing The Whopper's throne. Did a fair job of it too, if you ask me. Ketchup, mayo, chopped raw onions, lettuce & tomato (how will they stay "Cool and Crisp"...see McDLT), pickles and a peppery grill seasoning. Some stores used a little seasoning, others a lot...more was better. Good sandwich. I'll never forget that McDonald's announced they were discontinuing the Big N' Tasty in the same media cycle that they announced they would begin serving oatmeal at breakfast. And that's the story of why I don't eat oatmeal.

5) McDLT: The original DIY burger. This was the first in a long line of burgers apparently designed to compete with The Whopper. The idea was that the burger and cheese were kept in a separate Styrofoam compartment from the lettuce and tomato ensuring the latter stayed "Cool and Crisp". When you were ready to eat, you assembled the sandwich yourself. Conveniently ignored was the textural incongruity of having your top bun cold and your bottom one warm. Still it worked, was tasty and (being the 80's) made for twice as much landfill-clogging polystyrene as a traditional sandwich  Plus, how can you not love a product advertised

by a young and energetic George Costanza, who, remarkably, was neither "Cool nor Crisp".